2:37 – Sony video opens with a first person shooter of some sort. That means this is already better than Nintendo’s entire press conference.
2:38 – Jack Tretton, first video game executive introduced not accompanied by some sort of avatar of himself.
2:40 – Yes, Kratos shoutout. Hopefully that means we get at GOW III demo.
2:42 – Touting Blu-ray as the “wave of the future.” I know it won the format war, but I still don’t buy it. Blu-ray movies are still like $30 each, preposterous.
2:45 – Haha, he just cited MGS4 as a “PS exclusive.” It’s funny because normally you’d list like four games there.
2:47 – PS3 has more exclusive games than any other console? I guess so, but the problem is 95% of them suck ass.
2:48 – First look at Resistance 2. Giant monster is unfazed by puny rocket launcher. Ah, except when you shoot one down its throat. I guess that makes sense. Go for the eyes, the eyes! That always works!
2:50 – Wow this person sucks at aiming. It doesn’t ever matter because this thing eats bullets like sesame seeds. Why hasn’t he shot it in the eye yet? Oh, another rocket down the throat. Wait, that just hit its teeth. That doesn’t count. Alright that was pretty cool overall though. The whole WWII/Aliens concept is rather fucking retarded though, you have to admit.
2:54 – Mmm, more Resistance 2 video. They’re really banking on this. Lots of scenery. No actual gameplay to be found. Sounds like a typical PS3 game to me – Hey-o!
2:56 – Little Big Planet time. I’ve never heard of this until the last few days as one of PS3’s few remaining high-ranking exclusive titles. On first glance it looks like Animal Crossing, please God no.
2:58 – User created levels. Not a bad idea. Sackboy looks like he could be the title character in a horror movie. He’s now wearing a Celtic’s jersey at Jack’s request. Sigh.
2:59 – Going through PS3’s numbers using a user created Little Big Planet level. This is pretty freaking cool actually. Fuck Animal Crossing.
3:01 – Unveiling the recent “Greatest Hits” category which includes Resistance, Assassin’s Creed, Need for Speed Carbon, and Oblivion. Shit, I thought that was Xbox exclusive. Oh well. I still have no idea what Little Big Planet is about, but it looks pretty damn cool.
3:03 – We’re talking about PS2 now, really? I loved PS2, but it’s really time to let it go. But I guess they sell tons of them still so why not milk it? For apparently 130 more titles in 2008.
3:04 – Wow, I really didn’t remember these graphics being this shitty. Guess I’ve just been assimilated into at least 720p standards.
3:07 – The Singstar series has sold 15 million copies world wide. Which leads me to my next question: What the hell is Singstar?
3:09 – Now we’re talking about Playstation Network. Let’s see if they top the new Xbox live features. Hahahahahaha, what am I talking about? They just got trophies like a month ago.
3:11 – Ratchet and Clank Future: Quest for Booty. A winner in my book just because of its hilarious title. Please, please be a literal quest for booty. Digital, furry (or robotic) booty.
3:12 – Nope just typical Banjo-Kazooie style gameplay. Apparently Clank is missing. Oh noes! Whatever, the first half hour of this conference is already 30,000 times better than Nintendo’s entire thing. But can’t touch Microsoft…yet.
3:15 – Showing a bunch of PS Network games. Best one by far is Fat Princess, a bloody cartoon game where you defend said fat princess. Flower is tripping me out. It’s a game about wind and grass and petals and shit.
3:17 – GT Prologue TV. Watching racing shows on PS3? I guess? Yeah that’s exactly what it is. Top Gear is amazing though. But how about, I dunno, Grand Turismo 5?
3:19 – Yeah I don’t really think the audience gives a shit about this. Let’s see games.
3:20 – Ah, here we go with trophies. Just admit you completly ripped them off Xbox. Although Xbox needs to admit they blatantly ripped off Miis with their new little Avatars. I guess it’s all just obvious, but never said.
3:22 – Playstation Home. Yep OK, it’s more avatars. More realistic though. Kind of like The Sims, but more real. Best looking avatar setup I’ve seen so far. Makes Miis look like cartoons. Oh wait…
3:23 – Downloadable movies and shows. Really, Sony Pictures is onboard? Who would have thought?
3:25 – Yeah this is more or less the same as Xbox’s set up, download movies and shows on the spot, etc etc. On a related note, the Nintendo Wii can’t even play DVDs.
Ed. note – This is going pretty well overall. I don’t really like PS3, but I have no complaints. Need to see a GOW III demo though before this is over. Sony wins for “Least Campy Press Conference” for sure.
3:29 – You can put the downloaded movies on your PSP. Sounds cool but I bet you will actually use it once ever. Maybe camping out for PS4?
3:30 – Eck, now we’re talking about PSP. I’ve always had mixed feelings about it. It’s… good, I guess, I dunno. Nothing will ever top the original Pokemon for Gameboy.
3:32 – New PSP entertainment pack, courtesy of Ratchet and Clank. Rejoice! I’m just realizing that Ratchet and Clank and Jak and Daxter are two different franchises.
3:33 – New Resistance game for PSP. Good idea. Pretty sharp for PSP graphics.
3:35 – God, more PSP stuff. Really long video showing Force Unleashed, Madden 09, Loco Roco 2, NBA 09, Super Stardust, ahhh I give up keeping track.
3:39 – Record stuff from MLB The Show and put it online. Cool?
3:42 – DC Universe oOline. Could be alright, let’s see.
3:44 You can be a villain and help Arkham inmates escape and attack the Batcave? That’s pretty awesome. Video looks pretty damn cool as well. Bravo, bravo.
3:48 – Bragging about graphics. Forcing publishers say they like developing for the PS3 at gunpoint. Where the $#%)(#$& is my GOW III demo? It’s getting late!
3:51 – This is pretty ridiculous. Just all sorts of talking points about the PS3’s “massive power.” Yes the PS3 has awesome graphics, but let’s get past that already.
3:53 – New PS3 games lineup. Do or die time.
3:54 – Little Big Planet, Motor Storm Pacific Something, MGS, Quantum of Solace, Socom Navy Seals, Ghostbusters (Hell yeah), Soul Calibur IV (double hell yeah), Resistance 2, the Agency, Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm, Mirror’s Edge, Resident Evil 5, Singstar, Guitar Hero World Tour, NBA 09, Buzz Quiz TV, Killzone 2. WHERE THE HELL IS GOD OF WAR III?
3:56 – Yesssssssssss. He heard me. God of War III trailer. Shhhh.
3:57 – The definition of a “teaser.” No gameplay, just a voiceovered cutscene. Sigh. Disappointing.
3:58 – New game, Infamous. “Be a hero or anti-hero.” You mean villain? The main guy can shoot lightning. Innovative? Meh.
3:59 – One final title, let’s freaking have it. Massive Action Game (MAG), is that really the title? 256 players online fighting. At once? Seriously? Wow. Color me impressed. Good people are squad leaders, ordering shittier players around. I forsee problems with that setup.
4:02 – Trailer. Wow. Amazing. It’s a huge war with literally 256 individual players fighting onscreen. I’m sure that the video was a cutscene, but if the game’s even close it’ll be epic. Not a bad stab at redemption Sony, not bad at all.
4:04 – About on par with Microsoft, considering games like Fallout 3 and Resident Evil 5 are for both platforms. A million percent better than Nintendo, and really, zero moments of cheesiness, which is damn impressive for one of these conferences. Microsoft wins though for their FFXIII announcement, and Sony loses for no GOW III gameplay footage.